– October 2014 –
I’m pretty sure that you already know that I travel by scooter. They’re called ebikes here, electric bikes, and I think that sounds a little less squirrely. I wouldn’t have been particularly proud about it back home but China is helping me learn not to care what people think of me. Still, you don’t have to spread it around. But why the scooter, you ask, when there are so many other vehicular options? I mean, there are buses, bikes, the metro, taxis, and even the back of a some guy’s motorcycle.
It’s really a balance between cost, risk, and convenience.
Scooters aren’t that expensive. Ours cost a few hundred dollars plus more. We use it almost every day; taking taxis everyday would get expensive fast… not to mention that we’d still have to walk to the half mile to the road. You would think that scooters would be super risky but the truth is that they don’t seem to be any more risky than taxis – which are pretty risky. Come to think of it, even walking across the road is risky. Good thing other vehicles watch out for you, meaning, the are pretty good at swerving as they breeze by. Really, scooters are just too slow to have too much risk. They are not much different than bicycles. In fact, sometimes cyclists pass me. When that happens I’m thankful that I’m not wearing spandex and I also wish I had a BB gun mounted to the front of my scooter. One time I saw a kid going up a hill on a cute little Power Wheels type toy and all I thought was, “he goes up hills faster than we do…maybe I could get me one of those.” Literally, hills kill us. I say “us” because our little scooter especially protests to carrying two people. We choose our routes based on avoiding hills. “Hey, do you think that shortcut would save time?” “Nah, it’s got a hill.” Unfortunately, we can’t avoid the hill leading up through our university’s entrance. I call this the Hill of Shame because a student on crutches could pretty much beat us to the top. Well, he could’ve if we wouldn’t have knocked him over – just kidding. No one was on crutches. But I’m not kidding about how slow we go. Sometimes, I think that we’re going backwards and when the battery is low one of us (read, “Jo”] just gets off and walks. Another consequence of owning a scooter is that we gage distances by their “scootability.” That’s a technical term for, “will our battery make it there and back?” I think our ebike is supposed to go something like 50 km on one charge…carrying one petite Asian person. I’m not sure if that’s true. I just know that it can take two Americans to a friend’s campus, the import store, and the vegetable market on one charge – so long as the market is on the way to the friend’s house. And I know that it can take one person to that same friend’s campus, the French sports store 20 minutes away, and maybe the import store on a charge. 20 minutes may sound like a long distance until you realize that the bike is probably going 15mph. Should the battery die, ebikes are equipped with useless pedals to keep it going. After all, it is a kind of bike. This would be a useful failsafe if it were not for the fact that pedaling an ebike is more difficult and causes more bodily pain than just walking an ebike. Ebikes with pedals are like those Evolutionary transitional forms: they are neither fish nor mammal, therefore, they are guaranteed to die more quickly in both environments. Not trying to force ideas on the Creation Museum, but I’m pretty sure that our ebike disproves the Theory of Evolution. The problem is that the seat is too wide to allow comfortable pedaling. It’s also quite low. That means that one has to pedal with legs wide apart and knees high. Then add in the weight of the ebike. It’s probably over 70lbs. I once had to ride the scooter 2 miles like this through the rain [because it refused to start that day] and by the time I got back I felt like I’d been doing a thigh machine the wrong way and then had my knee caps whacked with a rod. I also probably looked ridiculous, but like I said, China is helping my self-conscious nature. Recently we’ve noticed that our brakes don’t work as well but we haven’t gotten to a mechanic yet. I guess that makes us adrenaline junkies. The other day I was scooting along and hoping that no one would suddenly pull out in front of me because I didn’t want to have to use my E-brake: my shoes. I’ve had to put my feet down before and it isn’t easy on the treads. Good thing I haven’t been wearing Toms the times I’ve skidded out. Toms are really only good for one skid. I should just start buying my shoes based on skidability – forget new brakes. I could get Spice Girl sized platforms and they’d last me for a least a month until they’d wear down to flats. Then I’d have a pile of ridiculous looking flats. Then again, riding around with my feet that high off the road might draw attention. My turn signal already does a good job of that. I guess my bike is so small that they decided a flashing light wasn’t enough to make it noticeable. So the inventors added a horrendous beeping as well which is great so that people notice me…because getting more attention is exactly what I’m trying to do while being the only “blue-eyed demon” in the vicinity [blue-eyed demon is an old term for white foreigner, I hear. They probably don’t use it anymore but who knows; I don’t know what it sounds like in Mandarin]. Not to get into controversial race stuff, but I think it’s worth mentioning that “blue-eyed demon” sounds way cooler than, “white trash,” for example. White trash just conjures up an image of something gross that was found on the ground near a trailer park. Doesn’t sound like something I’d like to step in let alone be acquainted with. “Blue-eyed demon” has much more street-cred potential. Anyway, usually someone just announces “wai guo ren!” [the neutral term for foreigners, which translates something like “person from across the ocean”]. I’d like to yell back “where!?” and then glance behind me confusedly but that’d probably only draw more attention.
Despite the comparative slowness of our scooter, it’s still faster than sitting still. Seriously though, it’s faster than me riding a bike – usually.
More than anything, scooters are convenient. They are terribly convenient – almost like having a car…at least a Smart Car…with a basket. And that’s really why we got it. Here are four reasons:
- I don’t have to know Chinese to drive a scooter. I might have to know Chinese to use a taxi or bus.
- I can use it anytime. However, taxis are hard to find in some areas of town and our local buses stop running around 7:00pm.
- It’s battery powered. I can charge at home – no need for a gas station and the school pays our electric.
- It has door-to-door service. My scooter is parked right outside my apartment building. I don’t have to walk 10 minutes to my school’s gate to get a taxi, drive 10 minutes, then walk another 10 minutes to my friend’s dormitory.
To cap it off, there’s the cool factor. When I’m buzzing along at my top speed of 20 mph, the wind blowing through my hair – messing it up on the way to something formal, huge trucks spewing dirt and toxic fumes, my hands numbly attempting to pull the useless brakes, or being caught in a downpour, well, there’s really nothing like it. Also, being in a scooter gang is… interesting. Sometimes before our group sets off, I feel pretty rad. There might be 3-4 of us on scooters. We’re looking good with our gloves and shiny ebikes. At least, I feel cool until we take off – because our take off has about as much zip as a herd of turtles. Then I think that maybe a pogo stick would’ve been just as effective. Maybe we could have made a pogo stick gang instead – which would definitely make an impression hopping down the road. We could trick them out with [lidded] baskets, lights, and streamers. People would know and tremble at our name.
Seriously though, our little ebike has been a blessing. I’m thankful for it.
And I fancy myself that we’re helping to save the environment by going electric. We’re not draining the planet’s supply of fuel. We’re just using electricity which in China comes from …um. Well, coal can’t be that bad.